‘When Are You Inviting Us?’: Friend Demands Christmas Dinner at Couple’s New Apartment

There are certain truths we hold dear when it comes to good manners. You bring a small gift for the host, you offer to help clear the table, and most importantly, you wait to be invited. An invitation is a gift, graciously extended by the host, not a service to be demanded by a guest. It’s a simple rule, really.

However, one young woman recently shared a story online that proves this fundamental rule of etiquette is, for some, completely optional. Her tale of a friend who tried to invite himself—and the entire friend group—over for a Christmas dinner is a startling reminder that common courtesy isn’t always so common.

The Incident

The story begins with a young couple, the first in their circle of friends to have their own apartment. While their friends still live with their parents, this couple has carved out a small space of their own. They have a cherished private tradition: every December, they treat themselves to a special, home-cooked Christmas meal, just the two of them.

This year, however, a friend decided he had other plans for them. Out of the blue, he asked, “Yea when are guys gonna invite over for some christmas food?”

The woman was taken aback. She and her partner had no intention of hosting a big dinner; it was too much work, too much cleaning, and far too expensive, especially as they live in Norway where food costs are notoriously high.

She politely explained that a dinner party was too costly. But instead of taking the hint, the friend doubled down. “But what if everyone payed their share?” he pressed. The audacity is something to behold. As the woman rightly pointed out, “I thought it was normal for the host to invite to these dinner stuff not the guests inviting themself and try to plan in someone elses home.”

She was no longer just a friend; she was being treated like a caterer with a convenient venue.

The Internet Reacts

When she shared her story, the internet had plenty to say, and people quickly fell into a few distinct camps. The vast majority were firmly on her side, appalled by her friend’s nerve.

First, there was the **“Absolutely Not” Crowd**. These commenters were furious on the woman’s behalf, calling the friend’s behavior for what it was: entitled and rude. One person cut straight to the chase, calling him an “incredibly cheeky” fellow.

Another was even more blunt, noting that the friend, a man, likely wanted the woman to provide “free labour,” and that he could “sod off and host everyone himself when he gets his own place.” Many agreed that she should not feel obligated in the slightest.

Then came the **“Devil’s Advocate” Camp**, who offered practical solutions, though some missed the key point that the woman simply didn’t want to host. One commenter suggested, “Send a message saying everyone bring a plate of food and some wine and we will host!”

Another reminisced about being young and broke, hosting dinner parties with big pots of pasta where friends brought the wine. While well-intentioned, this advice overlooked the fact that the couple’s private tradition was being trampled on—a point another reader passionately made, exclaiming, “But they don’t want to?!!!!!!”

Finally, there was the **“Firm Boundary” Crowd**, who provided scripts for shutting down this presumptuous request politely but effectively. Many advised suggesting a meal at a restaurant where everyone could pay their own way.

As one person put it, “I’d honestly just say nope, let’s all go out for a Christmas meal somewhere. End of discussion.” Another wise commenter warned against giving in, as it would set a terrible “precedent for the future,” turning her home into the default party spot whether she liked it or not.

The Etiquette Verdict

Let’s be perfectly clear: inviting yourself to someone’s home for a meal—especially an elaborate and expensive holiday dinner—is a staggering breach of etiquette. A person’s home is their sanctuary, not a community hall or a restaurant open for bookings.

The sheer amount of labor involved in hosting, from planning and shopping to cooking and cleaning, is immense. It is a gift of time, energy, and money that should only be offered willingly and received gratefully.

To demand that someone host you is to completely disregard their feelings, finances, and personal traditions. The golden rule here is simple: you do not ask for an invitation. You wait for one to be extended.

Your Thoughts

Now I have to ask: was the friend’s request just a clumsy, youthful mistake, or was it a truly unforgivable display of bad manners? Let us know what you think in the comments.

Ready for the next level of insight? Discover more in my latest article here.