My Traditional Mother Thinks Women on Their ‘Time of the Month’ Shouldn’t Handle Food. So I Forced My Daughter to Hide It From Her.

We all know that respecting our elders is a cornerstone of good manners. It’s a value many of us were raised with and one we try to uphold in our own families. But what happens when an elder’s deeply held beliefs are not just old-fashioned, but hurtful, and they’re living under your roof?

One woman found herself in this very predicament and turned to the internet for advice, sparking a fierce debate about family, culture, and a mother’s duty to protect her child.

The Incident

A 45-year-old woman, who grew up in Mumbai but now lives in the U.S., shared that her very traditional mother had moved in with her family. The problem? Her mother holds some extremely antiquated views. She believes that “a woman on her period is dirty, and shouldn’t be allowed to worship, handle food, or touch plants.”

The woman and her husband completely disagree with these beliefs and have raised their 12-year-old daughter to feel no shame about her body. But when their daughter started her period for the first time, the mother was faced with a difficult choice. Fearing her own mother would “freak out, and start forcing my daughter to conform to all her crazy, old-fashioned demands,” she asked the young girl to hide it.

This meant keeping pads in her room, disposing of them discreetly, and not mentioning her period around her grandmother. Understandably, this upset her daughter. The mother felt trapped, explaining she didn’t want her daughter “to become a victim of my mother’s constant spewing of nonsense.”

To make matters worse, the grandmother wasn’t there by choice; the woman’s brother had essentially forced her on them, putting her on a flight with little notice. She was stuck.

The Internet Reacts

The internet was deeply divided, with readers falling into a few distinct camps. It seems everyone had a strong opinion on how this delicate family drama should be handled.

First, there was the “Stand Your Ground” crowd. These readers felt the mother was failing her daughter by prioritizing her own mother’s comfort. They argued that her primary responsibility was to her child.

One commenter put it bluntly: “Your mother is the one who needs to learn to live with you, not you learning to live with her… You’re ultimately choosing her over your daughter by coddling her outdated and frankly harmful views on menstruation.” Another agreed, stating, “You’re the parent. It’s YOUR job to stand up for your child and have their back.”

Then came the “It’s Complicated” camp. Many readers, particularly those with similar cultural backgrounds, rushed to the mother’s defense. They understood the immense pressure to respect elders and the futility of arguing with someone set in their ways. “Growing up Indian you learn to pick your battles because there is no way you can fight so many stigmas at once and have any energy left to live,” one person shared.

Another sympathized, “Sometimes it’s better not to fight a fight you know you can’t win.” For them, the mother was making a pragmatic choice to protect her daughter from emotional harm.

Finally, the “My House, My Rules” group suggested a much firmer approach. They believed the grandmother, as a guest in the home, had forfeited any right to impose her beliefs. The time for tiptoeing around the issue was over.

One reader offered this rather stark advice: “I would start treating the grandmother as a child. You throw a tantrum over period issue, no dinner for you. Don’t like it leave? You can’t? Then my house my rules.” For this camp, the only way to deal with an unreasonable person is to stop being reasonable with them.

The Etiquette Verdict

My heart truly goes out to this mother, who is caught in an impossible situation through no fault of her own. However, the fundamental breach of etiquette here lies with the grandmother. When you are a guest in someone else’s home—even your child’s—you are expected to abide by their rules and respect their family’s values. Imposing harmful, outdated beliefs on a young child is simply unacceptable behavior.

The mother’s attempt to keep the peace is understandable, but it sends a confusing and potentially damaging message to her daughter. The golden rule of being a houseguest is to bring harmony, not discord. That is a rule the grandmother clearly forgot.

Your Thoughts

This is such a tricky situation with generations and cultures clashing under one roof. What do you think is the right thing to do?

Was this mother right to choose peace over principle, or should she have confronted her own mother for her daughter’s sake?