My In-Laws Have Known I’m Vegetarian for Nine Years. Yet They Still Serve Me Pancetta Peas and Goose Fat Potatoes.
It is a time-honored rule of good manners: when you are a guest in someone’s home, you do your best to eat what is served. We were all taught to be gracious, polite, and to never insult the host. But what happens when the host repeatedly serves you something they know you cannot, or will not, eat?
This isn’t about a simple dislike of broccoli; this is about a fundamental lifestyle choice being ignored time and time again. One woman recently took to the internet to share her story of dining with her in-laws, a tale that proves that sometimes, the hosts are the ones with the truly bad manners.
The Incident
Writing online, a woman explained that she has been a vegetarian for the entire nine years she has been with her husband. You would think that after nearly a decade, her in-laws would have gotten the message. Apparently not.
She shared that every single time she visits for a meal, she is faced with the awkward situation of being offered or served food containing meat. This leaves her in the uncomfortable position of having to refuse, which she feels makes her look rude.
She gave a recent, and frankly baffling, example. “Yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and… pancetta,” she wrote. To make matters worse, her plate was dished up for her, leaving her with no choice but to leave a good portion of the food uneaten.
“It looks rude from my side, but I think it’s rude of them,” she lamented. It’s a sentiment many of us can understand. How hard is it, really, to keep meat out of the vegetables?
The problem is compounded by her in-laws’ personalities. She describes them as “incredibly over sensitive people” who “really do control us with their moods.” This means that if she were to bring her own food or make a fuss, they would likely take it personally and cause a scene.
It’s a classic case of being caught between a rock and a hard place: either go hungry or risk a family argument. She even dreaded the next day’s lunch, hoping the roast potatoes wouldn’t be cooked in goose fat, as they “normally” are.
The Internet Reacts
The online community was quick to jump into the debate, with hundreds of people offering their opinions on the matter. The responses quickly fell into a few distinct camps.
The vast majority of readers, the “Absolutely Not” Crowd were firmly on the woman’s side, expressing shock and anger at her in-laws’ behavior. One commenter, a meat-eater herself, didn’t mince words, saying the in-laws were completely in the wrong.
Another put it plainly: “These people have zero respect for you. They don’t care about you.” The consensus was that this wasn’t just poor memory; it was a profound lack of respect. One woman shared an equally astonishing story: “I spent 47 hours giving birth to their first grandchild and my in-laws turned up with a meat feast pizza. I’ve been vegetarian since I was 15!” The original poster was, understandably, furious on her behalf.
The “Devil’s Advocate” crowd tried to find a rational explanation for the in-laws’ actions, though these voices were in the minority. One person suggested that if they eat there very regularly, perhaps the in-laws feel they shouldn’t have to change their entire menu.
Another commenter wondered if the issue was a reliance on pre-prepared foods. “Are they freezer food people?” she asked, noting that many “deluxe” ready-made items, like roast potatoes basted in goose fat or peas with pancetta, often have meat products mixed in. This perspective suggests it could be a case of convenience and thoughtlessness rather than outright malice.
The “Practical Solutions” Crowd moved past the outrage and offered concrete advice. The most common suggestion was for the woman’s husband to step up. “Why doesn’t your husband ask ‘mum/dad, you know she’s a vegetarian, don’t you, why have you served her meat again?’” one person asked.
Others suggested a more direct approach, advising the woman to call ahead of the next visit and gently remind them of her dietary needs. A popular, and perhaps necessary, solution was to simply bring her own meal. “Next time you’re invited tell them you’ll bring your own meal, and do it even if they try to persuade you otherwise,” a reader advised.
The Etiquette Verdict
Let’s be perfectly clear: the in-laws are demonstrating a shocking lack of grace. The absolute foundation of good hosting is to make your guests feel welcome, comfortable, and cared for. This is not about being a “fussy eater.” A nine-year commitment to vegetarianism is a core part of who this woman is, and to consistently ignore it is not just forgetful, it is disrespectful.
True hospitality means making a small effort for the comfort of your guests. Simply setting aside some plain vegetables or using vegetable oil for the potatoes is a minor inconvenience that shows you value the person at your table.
Your Thoughts
This situation has clearly struck a chord with many. What do you think is really going on here? Are the in-laws being deliberately passive-aggressive, or is this just a case of extreme thoughtlessness?
