My Boyfriend Throws Away Half of Every $47 Stew Order but Refuses to Eat My Homemade Version

There’s a certain elegance in being a great partner, wouldn’t you say? It revolves around compromise, empathy, and standing by one another through the good times and the bad. But what do you do when that steadfast support begins to wreck both your finances and your sanity?

One woman recently landed squarely in this dilemma, posting her story online about her boyfriend’s extremely specific—and jaw-droppingly costly—obsession with stew.

The Incident

This woman’s boyfriend is autistic and has what he refers to as a ‘safe food’: a particular beef stew from a nearby catering establishment. The catch? One large takeout container runs an eye-watering $47, and because he’s “grossed out by leftovers,” more than half of every order ends up in the trash. After clashing over a budget that was bleeding hundreds of dollars on stew alone, the girlfriend, bless her soul, took it upon herself to recreate the recipe from scratch at home.

For a handful of days, it was a smashing success. But then came catastrophe. He caught her stirring tomato paste into the pot and was appalled, declaring that tomatoes were absolutely not a safe food for him. He insisted she start the whole batch over without the paste, and when the revised version predictably tasted “off,” he threw what she characterized as a ‘fit.’ He accused her of “playing with him” and flat-out refused to touch her home-cooked meals going forward.

Exhausted from blowing an additional $400 on takeout, she hatched a clever, albeit risky, plan. While collecting an order, she asked the chef directly whether any tomato products were used in the stew. The answer? Yes, tomato paste. Instead of recognizing that his cherished stew was perfectly safe all along, he stormed out, subjected her to the silent treatment, and has been “sulking around the house, using his whiny voice a lot, and slamming things.” To make matters worse, his sister sent her a message calling her a “selfish” person for “taking his favorite food away.”

The Internet Reacts

Online commenters sided overwhelmingly with the girlfriend, with countless readers utterly shocked by the boyfriend’s conduct. The prevailing feeling was that he was leveraging his diagnosis as a shield for what they viewed as immature entitlement.

This “Absolutely Not” faction pulled no punches whatsoever. One commenter stated flatly, “Autistic/neurodivergent people can be huge jerks too, they’re human.” Another highlighted the sheer financial ridiculousness of the whole affair: “This is weaponizing a diagnosis and a complete disregard for budget and consumption. 150 dollars a WEEK to waste half? No. Noooooo.”

Numerous people believed his family was enabling him, with one individual observing, “His sister texting you like that proved it to me that his family coddled him too much.”

A handful of commenters, though, took on the role of “Devil’s Advocate.” While nobody defended his meltdown, some attempted to unpack the complicated emotions surrounding the concept of a ‘safe food.’ One user provided a thoughtful recommendation: “Now is your chance to get to ‘know his brain’ a bit better… Ask him questions in a calm and neutral manner.” This person explained that the revelation may have demolished a deeply held conviction, triggering real emotional turmoil.

They proposed the girlfriend could “gently explain how the paste is a concentrate that adds sweet and savory flavor” and is fundamentally transformed through the cooking process, likening it to how flour on its own bears no resemblance to cake.

Yet for the vast majority, this scenario pointed to a far more serious underlying issue. This contingent, best described as the “Tough Love” crowd, dispensed some extraordinarily blunt guidance. They interpreted his behavior not as a condition to be accommodated, but as a relationship dealbreaker. “Do you want a lifetime of this childish behaviour?” one commenter inquired.

Another was even more forthright, suggesting he required something beyond a romantic partner: “His behavior… sounds like he actually needs a full time caretaker. Not a girlfriend. You can be one or the other but not both.” The overwhelming sentiment within this camp was unmistakable: this wasn’t really about stew at all—it was about a fundamental absence of respect and emotional maturity.

The Etiquette Verdict

Allow me to state this unequivocally: making accommodations for a partner’s needs is one thing, but enabling disrespectful behavior is something else entirely. While we should always endeavor to show patience and compassion, that same consideration must flow in both directions. A diagnosis can help explain certain patterns of behavior, but it should never serve as justification for tantrums, reckless spending, or permitting family members to berate your partner.

This young man’s conduct was simply not acceptable. The foundational principle of any partnership is mutual respect. Expecting your partner to drain the joint bank account for a single meal, only to throw a tantrum and freeze them out with silence, represents the polar opposite of that principle.

Your Thoughts

It’s a complicated situation, and I’m certain everyone has a strong take on it. Where do you stand? Was the girlfriend wrong for revealing the secret ingredient, or was the boyfriend’s reaction completely out of proportion?