I Paid for 9 Dates. When I Asked Her to Buy $30 Takeout, She Said She 'Didn't Like Me Enough Yet'.

Most of us were raised with the understanding that a true partnership is a two-way street, built on mutual respect, appreciation, and contribution. While traditions around dating have certainly evolved, the core principle of fairness remains. It’s lovely to be treated, but it’s just as important to show you value the other person’s generosity.

However, one man recently shared a story online that proves not everyone sees it that way, leaving him wondering if he was in the wrong for expecting a little reciprocity.

The Incident

A gentleman took to the internet to share a rather disheartening dating experience. He had been seeing a woman for a while, taking her on about eight or nine dates. Being the traditional type, he happily paid for everything—nice dinners, fun activities like escape rooms—without a second thought. He noted that she never offered to contribute or even seemed to notice when the checks arrived.

The total bill for their courtship was adding up, with dinners costing between $60 and $80 a pop. One evening, they planned a quiet night in with takeout and a movie. A few hours beforehand, he sent her a simple text asking if she wouldn’t mind ordering the food this time. Her response was immediate and chilly: “Oh so you want me to pay.”

When he asked if that was a problem, she confirmed it was, delivering a truly shocking explanation. She told him that “she doesn’t know if she likes me enough yet to want to do that.” After all his effort and expense, she was unwilling to spend $30 on a casual meal because she believed men should always pay. He promptly ended things, explaining he was looking for an “equal partnership not someone that views me as a bank account.”

To make matters worse, when he sought sympathy from his own sister, she took the date’s side! His sister suggested he hadn’t “put in enough effort” and that it was the man’s job to pursue the woman and “make it worth their time” before she should be expected to invest. It was a double blow of disrespect that left him feeling completely alone.

The Internet Reacts

When the man shared his story, the public had plenty to say, and most people were firmly in his corner. They quickly sorted themselves into a few distinct camps.

First was the “Absolutely Not” Crowd, who were furious on the man’s behalf. These commenters felt the woman’s behavior was completely out of line. One woman wrote, “It’s not about the money itself it’s about the concept.”

Another did the math and was appalled: “So 8 dates at 60 bucks a pop (480 bucks) and she isn’t sure she likes you enough to shell out 40 bucks to treat you. screw that noise.” A third commenter put it bluntly, stating the woman’s belief that men should always pay “isn’t a principle. It’s a toxic stereotype.”

Then came the “Devil’s Advocate” Camp, which mostly consisted of people trying to explain, but not necessarily excuse, the old-fashioned mindset. The man’s sister was the prime example, with her belief that the man must “pursue” the woman and earn her investment.

Another commenter offered their own rule: “whoever suggests the date or activity is the one who pays.” However, others quickly pointed out that this logic is flawed, as one person replied, “Saying whoever suggests pays is the same as saying the man pays with extra steps,” because men are still generally expected to do the asking.

Finally, there was the “Clever Solutions” Crowd, offering advice for how to spot this kind of behavior earlier. They didn’t suggest revenge, but rather a subtle test for future dates. One person advised, “A good test in the future is after paying for stuff enough times and you have a girl coming over, ask her to pick up something for you. Something small, like a drink from 7-eleven or something. If she asks you to pay her back, kick her out!” It’s a sad state of affairs when you have to test someone’s character, but many felt it was a practical way to avoid being taken for a ride.

The Etiquette Verdict

Let’s be perfectly clear: this is not about tradition; it’s about manners and respect. While it is a kind and gentlemanly gesture for a man to pay for the first few dates, there is no rule in any modern etiquette book that says he must pay for everything, always. After nearly ten dates, a thoughtful person would not only offer to pay but insist on it. To refuse to buy a simple takeout meal, especially after being treated so generously, is just plain rude. A partnership is about give and take, and this woman showed she was only interested in taking.