AITA for refusing to make vegan mashed potatoes?
Hosting a major holiday dinner is a labor of love that requires days of planning, endless grocery runs, and hours on your feet. When you open your home to dozens of loved ones, the absolute least a guest can do is arrive with a gracious attitude and perhaps a bottle of wine. Sadly, there is always that one family member who treats your dining room like a 24-hour diner where they can bark orders at the chef.
A hardworking hostess recently found herself dealing with exactly this kind of staggering entitlement. After years of preparing a massive feast, she was pushed to her absolute limit by a sibling who demanded special treatment, offered zero help, and resorted to nasty name-calling when he did not get his way.
The Incident
The story begins with a generous sister who hosts a traditional potluck-style Thanksgiving for about 40 people every year. She handles the heavy lifting, roasting the turkey and preparing a massive batch of homemade mashed potatoes. Most of her guests happily contribute to the feast, bringing everything from side dishes to beverages.
Her younger brother, however, has made a habit of arriving with absolutely nothing. As the hostess explained, he has shown up empty-handed to every single holiday since leaving the nest, using his tight finances as an excuse. While she graciously overlooked his lack of contribution in the past, noting that even a simple bottle of soda would be a polite gesture, his recent behavior crossed a firm line.
This year, the brother decided to invite his new girlfriend to the family gathering. Instead of asking politely if dietary restrictions could be accommodated, he essentially demanded that his sister make a separate, vegan portion of her famous mashed potatoes. She pointed out that her brother “doesn’t do sh.t” and told him that if his girlfriend needed a special dish, he was perfectly capable of making it himself.
Instead of stepping up to the stove, her brother threw a spectacular tantrum. He called his sister a “b.tch” and threatened to boycott the holiday entirely. When their mother tried to keep the peace by begging for a compromise, the hostess held her ground. She suggested her brother host the meal at his apartment with his roommates if he wanted to act so entitled over potatoes. Realizing her daughter would not be disrespected in her own home, the mother finally backed down.
The Internet Reacts
The court of public opinion was quick to weigh in on this holiday fiasco, and readers were overwhelmingly sympathetic to the exhausted hostess.
The “Absolutely Not” Crowd
Most readers were absolutely appalled by the brother’s foul language and staggering lack of manners. For this group, the dietary request was not the issue—it was the profound disrespect. One reader perfectly captured the mood, asking, “Why should you invite anyone who calls you a b.tch to your Thanksgiving?” Another commenter agreed wholeheartedly, adding, “No one who called me a b.tch and threw a tantrum because I would not do something for a perfect stranger… would be welcome in my home without one heck of an apology and a good bottle of wine.” Many felt that his threat to skip the dinner was actually a blessing in disguise, with one user noting, “He’s threatening not to come? Sounds like a win to me!”
The “Devil’s Advocate”
A smaller segment of readers tried to focus on the logistics of the meal, pointing out that making vegan potatoes is not inherently difficult. “Honestly vegan mashed potatoes isn’t difficult. You just replace any dairy products… with vegan friendly alternatives,” one person noted. However, even these readers quickly realized the trap. They pointed out that cooking a vegan dish in a kitchen full of buttery, meaty holiday foods requires separate cookware to avoid cross-contamination. As one plant-based eater pointed out, “Honestly, if I were this vegan gf, I probably wouldn’t be inclined to trust that OP was taking these kinds of precautions, so I’d probably bring my own vegan stuff anyway.”
The “Petty Revenge” Crowd
Naturally, some readers had brilliant suggestions for exactly how the hostess should handle her brother’s tantrum. Several users suggested weaponizing the mother’s desire for peace. “Compromise by asking your mom to do the vegan mashed potatoes,” one user advised. Others thought the hostess should lean into the brother’s empty threats with a healthy dose of sarcasm. “Because I’m a petty b.tch, I would’ve responded, ‘I know what I’m thankful for this year,'” joked one commenter. Another simply suggested replying with, “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”
The Etiquette Verdict
Let us be perfectly clear: when you are invited to someone’s home for a holiday meal, you are a guest, not a restaurant patron. The Golden Rule of dietary restrictions at a potluck is simple. If you or your plus-one require a highly specific menu, you must offer to bring a dish to share that meets those needs. Demanding that a hostess—who is already cooking for 40 people—alter her recipes to accommodate a guest you invited is the height of bad manners. Furthermore, using vulgar language toward the woman cooking your holiday meal is an immediate disqualifier from polite society.
Your Thoughts
Now it is your turn to weigh in on this family feud. Was the hostess entirely justified in telling her brother to make his own side dish, or should she have kept the peace and mashed a few dairy-free potatoes? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
