My Boyfriend’s Sister Called Me ‘Selfish’ for Saving Us $400 a Month on Takeout. The Toxicity of the Enabling Family.

There’s a certain grace in being a good partner, isn’t there? It’s about compromise, understanding, and supporting each other through thick and thin. But what happens when that support starts to strain the budget and common sense?

One woman recently found herself in this very predicament, sharing a story online about her boyfriend’s very particular—and very expensive—taste in stew.

The Incident

This woman’s boyfriend is autistic and has what he calls a ‘safe food’: a specific beef stew from a local catering place. The problem? A single large takeout order costs a staggering $47, and because he’s “grossed out by leftovers,” more than half of it goes to waste. After arguing over a budget that was hemorrhaging hundreds of dollars on stew, the girlfriend, bless her heart, decided to try and replicate the recipe at home.

For a few days, it was a roaring success. But then, disaster. He saw her add tomato paste to the pot and was horrified, insisting tomatoes were not a safe food for him. He demanded she remake it without the paste, and when the new version inevitably tasted “off,” he threw what she described as a ‘fit.’ He accused her of “playing with him” and refused to eat her home cooking anymore.

Fed up with spending $400 more on takeout, she had a brilliant, if risky, idea. While picking up an order, she asked the chef if there were any tomato products in the stew. The answer? Yes, tomato paste. Rather than realizing his beloved stew was safe after all, he stormed out, gave her the silent treatment, and has been “sulking around the house, using his whiny voice a lot, and slamming things.” To add insult to injury, his sister texted her, calling her a “selfish” person for “taking his favorite food away.”

The Internet Reacts

The internet was overwhelmingly on the girlfriend’s side, with many readers absolutely appalled by the boyfriend’s behavior. They felt he was using his diagnosis as a crutch for what they saw as childish entitlement.

This “Absolutely Not” crowd did not hold back. One commenter bluntly stated, “Autistic/neurodivergent people can be huge jerks too, they’re human.” Another pointed out the financial absurdity of the situation: “This is weaponizing a diagnosis and a complete disregard for budget and consumption. 150 dollars a WEEK to waste half? No. Noooooo.”

Many felt his family was enabling him, with one person noting, “His sister texting you like that proved it to me that his family coddled him too much.”

A few commenters, however, played “Devil’s Advocate.” While no one excused his tantrum, some tried to explain the complex emotions behind the idea of a ‘safe food.’ One user offered a gentle suggestion: “Now is your chance to get to ‘know his brain’ a bit better… Ask him questions in a calm and neutral manner.” This commenter explained that the discovery might have shattered a long-held belief, causing genuine distress.

They suggested the girlfriend could “gently explain how the paste is a concentrate that adds sweet and savory flavor” and is transformed by cooking, comparing it to how flour doesn’t taste like cake on its own.

But for most, this situation was a clear sign of a much deeper problem. This group, which we can call the “Tough Love” crowd, offered some very direct advice. They saw his behavior not as a symptom to be managed, but as a dealbreaker. “Do you want a lifetime of this childish behaviour?” one person asked.

Another was even more direct, suggesting he needed more than a girlfriend: “His behavior… sounds like he actually needs a full time caretaker. Not a girlfriend. You can be one or the other but not both.” The consensus in this camp was clear: this wasn’t about stew, it was about a fundamental lack of respect and maturity.

The Etiquette Verdict

Let me be perfectly clear: accommodating a partner’s needs is one thing, but enabling disrespect is another entirely. While we should always strive to be patient and understanding, that courtesy must be returned. A diagnosis is an explanation for certain behaviors, but it is never an excuse for tantrums, financial carelessness, or allowing family members to attack your partner.

This young man’s behavior was unacceptable. The golden rule in any partnership is mutual respect. Demanding your partner drain the shared bank account for a single dish, only to throw a fit and give them the silent treatment, is the very opposite of that.

Your Thoughts

It’s a tricky situation, and I’m sure we all have our opinions. What do you think? Was the girlfriend out of line for exposing the secret ingredient, or was the boyfriend’s reaction completely unreasonable?

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