‘We Spent £7,000 to Visit’: Mom Dreads Paying for Well-Paid Daughter’s Meals

There are certain unspoken rules of etiquette we all learn as we grow. You don’t show up to a dinner party empty-handed, you always send a thank-you note for a gift, and as you become a financially independent adult, you at least offer to pay your own way.

It’s a simple sign of respect and maturity. However, one woman recently shared a story online that proves this transition from child to adult peer isn’t always so straightforward, leaving her in a terribly awkward position.

The Incident

A mother of two took to a forum to ask for advice on a delicate financial matter. Her children, now in their mid-to-late twenties, are both in well-paid employment after years of university. Throughout their lives, she has always been the one to pick up the bill whenever they dined out as a family. “I’ve happily done this,” she explained, but now things have changed.

With a big holiday on the horizon, the financial dynamic has become a source of stress. She and her husband are travelling to New Zealand to visit their daughter and her partner, a trip that is already costing them a staggering £7,000 before they’ve even spent a penny on food or activities.

The thought of paying for every single meal and drink over several weeks felt overwhelming.

It wasn’t that she couldn’t afford it, but as she put it, “it just seems a bit excessive, given that they are now earning well.” Her husband agrees it’s time for a change, but she’s paralyzed by the thought of broaching the subject.

After setting a precedent for years of paying for everything—including for her children’s partners—she confessed, “it’s hard knowing how to put that in motion without appearing mean.”

The Internet Reacts

The internet was immediately buzzing with opinions, which quickly fell into three distinct camps. The situation clearly touched a nerve, with hundreds of people weighing in on this modern family dilemma.

First came the **”Absolutely Not”** crowd, who were utterly appalled on the mother’s behalf. These commenters felt the adult children were behaving poorly by not even offering to contribute. One person bluntly stated, “Your children come across as spoiled and entitled… It’s quite juvenile.”

Another was shocked by the context of the holiday, writing, “I would expect them to offer to pay given you are traveling to see them at great expense… This seems extraordinary.” For this group, it wasn’t about the money, but about basic decency and respect.

Then there was the **”Devil’s Advocate”** camp, who felt a parent’s generosity shouldn’t have an expiration date. Many commenters from this perspective shared the sentiment that “If I could afford it I’d always pay for my children.” They argued that young people, even with good jobs, are at a different financial stage, often saving for houses or paying off student loans.

One commenter even questioned the mother’s motives, asking, “Wow. So you basically hardly see her anyway, and now don’t want to pay for her when you visit?”

Finally, the **”Practical Advice”** crowd swooped in with helpful solutions. The overwhelming consensus was that the mother needed to communicate her expectations clearly and kindly before the holiday to avoid any awkwardness at the dinner table. One of the most popular suggestions was a wonderfully positive script:

“Right offspring. Now that you are both fully fledged adults earning your own money I’m incredibly proud of you both… I’d like us to start splitting lunch and dinner bills like equal adults.” Other sensible ideas included starting a group “kitty” for meals or using a bill-splitting app to keep things fair and simple.

The Etiquette Verdict

Let’s be perfectly clear: this mother is not being mean. She is being reasonable. Part of raising children is teaching them to become responsible, considerate adults, and that includes financial reciprocity. While it is a joy to treat our children, the dynamic must evolve as they become financially independent peers.

For working adults to expect their parents to foot every bill—especially after they’ve spent thousands just to visit—is simply poor form. The golden rule here is simple: once you are earning your own money, you should always, at the very least, offer to pay your share. It is a fundamental sign of gratitude and adulthood.

Your Take

So, where do you stand on this family matter? Is it a parent’s duty to always pay if they can afford it, or is it high time for these adult children to open their own wallets?

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